Just Keeping It Real -- Part 2

These little preciouses (even, er, especially the little one) trampled my nerves today like a Walmart doormat on Black Friday. By the time lunch rolled around I could barely breathe. So, naturally, I took all the oxygen I could muster to throw my head back toward the ceiling and yell "AWWWWWW!" as loud as I could for a good seven to ten seconds without stopping.

Afton said, "Mommy, is that because you don't like whining?"

I will leave that to her and to ya'll to figure out.

I read this last night. That lady gets it. Guess I need to read it again.

Because of the great response to my last keeping it real post I did consider putting a picture of up of some of the "science experiments" I have in my fridge right now but, alas, my pride is too great. Don't worry though, I definitely have enough subject matter to keep this series going for a while.

God Makes People Mad All The Time.

If you like making people mad this post is not for you. I know there are people in the world who do like making people mad and they need someone else to speak into their lives because all I would say would be "Hey, stop making people mad. It's making me feel uncomfortable." And really how helpful is that?

If, however, making people mad makes you miserable -- welcome to my world. I hate making people mad. I hate disappointing people. I hate burdening them or annoying them. These are some of the worst feelings I can think of and ones that I avoid at many costs. Earlier this week I realized this is something that I avoid at too many costs.

I was "playing" outside with my girls on a beautiful morning. Actually I was ignoring them and brushing off their excited comments so I could focus on doing something that was a total waste of time and that I wasn't even enjoying. Why? Because someone (who is not a regular reader of my blog nor a family member and so probably not you) had suggested it to me and I knew if I didn't finish by that afternoon they would find out and know I hadn't taken their suggestion.

All of a sudden (probably after shushing one of my kids or saying "Oh nice." and not even looking up at the dirt mound they had built) I asked myself. "Why the heck am I still doing this?" and before I had time to contrive a good reason I answered myself (Yes, that IS what crazy people do.) "So I won't make {REDACTED} mad."

Wow. And I had to admit that was the whole reason I was doing it. Not another reason at all was even contributing to it. Because I didn't want to risk disappointing someone I was neglecting the important for what in this case was utterly pointless. Ouch.

And then I had the most liberating thought I have had in a while. God makes people mad all the time. He is perfect and He is good and He is kind and He IS love and yet he manages to make millions of people angry every single day. I place a high value on how much what I do will please or displease others. It was huge epiphany for me to realize that in this way I was not sharing God's values. When Jesus was on Earth he made people angry too. He made them angry enough to kill him. I let whether or not something will anger or disappoint someone be the deciding factor in whether or not I do a lot. It wouldn't be too much of a stretch to say I do that all the time. That's not what Jesus did.

I thought I was thinking of others by not wanting to make them mad, but in reality I was thinking of myself. I wasn't trying to prevent the suffering of others I was trying to mitigate my own discomfort by making sure by whatever means I felt necessary people were rarely displeased with me. My avoidance of the anger of others is nothing like godliness. It is definitely not Christlike. At root it is selfishness and one thing I know about selfishness is that it makes everything worse.

So where do I go from here? Start making people mad on purpose? Stop considering at all how my actions will affect others? No, of course not. As Sissy would say, "Thas not kind!" As Afton would say, "Now you're just being wacky." I think I need to stop dressing up my own self-protective tendencies like they are sacrificial love and learn to really love sacrificially the way Jesus did. His unselfishness, love, and willingness to sacrifice are unmatched in history but he was not afraid of the anger of men. I think the more I grow to be like Him the less afraid of it I will be as well.

Just Keeping It Real

Little Humans.

Kids are little humans. One thing I love about little humans is that they haven't learned to hide some of the less pretty parts of humanity yet. My brother loves how kids often say "Look at me!" He says everyone is always thinking that but kids are the only ones who say it. I think he is right. That is why I love these pictures. Raw humanity. The part of humanity that is stingy and grabby by turns. The part of humanity I would like to think I have risen above, but then I look at these pictures and I can relate to every face both girls make in every frame. If you can't see yourself here too I'd be surprised. Nothing like kids to remind us who we are and how much we need a Savior.

What Else I Get Wrong.

I am often...often...overwhelmed by all I want to teach my children. How to use the potty, how to clean up after themselves, how to call 911, what it means to be kind, what it means to be brave, what kind of boys will be worth their time someday and what kind won't. I mean they came to me knowing nothing. It's a pretty big job.

It is even bigger when I consider that they learn mostly by example. Now I have not only what I want to teach them to worry about but all the things I don't want to teach them as well. How to lose your temper, how to make a mountain out of a molehill, how to be lazy ... impatient ... inflexible...unforgiving. How to give the silent treatment, how to cuss, how to worry and gossip instead of pray, how to hate, how to fear.

See, I am already feeling overwhelmed again. But I am realizing something lately. That if I can teach my children the spectacular truth you will hear about below...really teach it to them so that it takes on a life of its own inside their hearts...well, then it won't really matter what else I get wrong.

(WARNING: Mildly cheesy video. Just close your eyes and listen to the words.)

If you were just wondering where the best place to get boxes is... now I feel silly!

A friend of mine recently asked me for moving advice. I moved a lot when I was a kid. I have had three major moves since I was an adult. Adults are a lot less adaptable than kids so I actually think in a way moving is harder for an adult than for a child. I feel like I have learned a few good lessons about moving the hard way and decided to share what I told my friend about them here to maybe save someone else a little trouble:

I have one big piece of advice about moving that I had to learn the hard way about three times before I finally figured it out. It may seem weird but here it is.....decide you are going to love it before you go and realize that just because you love where you came from doesn't mean you can't love where you are going. What I mean is for two of my three big moves as a grown up (one to Virginia from Oklahoma and one from one town in Virginia to another where I didn't know anyone) I was so busy thinking about the place I had come from and how awesome it was that I wouldn't let myself see all the good things around me in my new place. It was kinda like I was afraid to love the new place because I already loved the old place so much. So I spent a lot of time focusing on how much I missed the old place and no time enjoying the new place. Then after a lot of time had passed I would wake up and realize that this new place isn't bad at all and actually has a lot of good about it. I always regretted spending so much time being sad and miserable at the beginning of new place that I would eventually end up loving . Anyway so when we moved here I decided ahead of time that I was going to love it from the beginning. It didn't mean I wouldn't miss Virginia and all the memories I had there. It did mean I wouldn't set my new town up for failure by constantly comparing it to where I had come from. I would find things I liked about it right away and start enjoying them. More importantly, I would start treating it and thinking of it like home not some strange new place. Those are hard things to do for someone who is sentimental like me, but I made a decision to do it and this has by far been the best move ever. I have realized through all my moves that you can truly love more than one place with all your heart and that makes opening my heart to a new place much easier because I don't feel like I have to turn my back on other places. Places that in their own way are still very much home to me. I don't know if that makes sense but I hope so! Also, I hope that is the kind of advice you were looking for. If you were just wondering where the best place to get boxes is... now I feel silly!

One other thing I had to learn the hard way. Making new friends as an adult is a lot more challenging than it was when we were young. Adults have their own routines and ways of doing things. They aren't really worried about making new friends. They don't have to meet all new people every year in classes like kids do. So my advice for when you move is don't wait to start making friends. Jump right in. Find a church and maybe hobby or something and start meeting people. Don't wait for them to ask you over or out for dinner. You do it. The quicker you jump in and make it happen the quicker you will have friends and the quicker you have friends the quicker you will feel really at home. I didn't do this in my last move and I found it hard the entire time to make friends. I learned though from watching a few military families come in and out of town that when you are the new person the responsibility for making friends lies with you. If you put forth the effort people will happily open their hearts to you. You just have to jump in and do it. If you are shy like me that is hard but totally worth it.

One awesome thing about moving when you are our age is that you you get to take your best friends with you. Having Ron and my girls with me means home is anywhere I am!

No Thanks To Tummy Time.

So, it turns out Tummy Time is a myth. At least I am prepared to call it that. Tummy time? If you have had a baby in the past five or so years you know what I am talking about. Tummy time. Since we put our babies to sleep on their backs now to reduce SIDS risks we have to give them tummy time each day to help their necks get strong and stuff like that. All the doctors and books say so. If your babies are anything like mine they hate tummy time. It is more like heart wrenching scream time. But if you are like me you endure the screams because tummy time is good for them. They need it. Well, I am here to say maybe not. With my first two babies I was a very good tummy time mommy. Ten minutes on their tummies everyday whether they liked it or not. With Rose not so much. Life has been out of control since she was born and there just never seemed to be good time to make a baby unnecessarily miserable even if it was for her own good. She has done tummy time maybe three times in her whole life. And guess what? She is perfectly normal. Afton and Ponder rolled over at about three months.....and so did Rose. Afton and Ponder could support their head unaided at a little after four months.....and so can Rose. I had been feeling like a pretty terrible mom for not making Rose do tummy time. I mean it is important, right? Without it how will she ever hold her head up or crawl? Imagine my surprise when I came downstairs to little Rose who had never had any tummy time to speak of and had been on her back just moments before and found this:

She had rolled over and was holding her head erect! No thanks to tummy time. Emperor Tummy Time you aren't wearing any clothes and you won't be terrorizing any babies around here anymore! I wonder what else we do to make ourselves and our kids miserable unnecessarily? What myths have you figured out? Let me know and set me free!

Systems were made for man, not man for systems.

Now that Ron works from home (Yeah, he works from home now. It's been a pretty eventful three months since we last spoke.) the pathetic lunches I had been making aren't going to work. I mean they weren't that pathetic for a one and two year old which is who was eating them, but they simply won't do for a grown man. What have I been eating all this time? Spaghetti. I have eaten spaghetti pretty much everyday for lunch for the last three years. Weird? A little. But I like spaghetti and eating it after my kids were asleep while catching up on the news was sublime. Eating spaghetti for lunch everyday would probably be a lot less sublime for my husband. So, now that he eats with us (which we are LOVING) I have started a new lunch regime. I had no intention of getting to the most hectic time of my day and then having to scramble to figure out what I could make for lunch for an entire family. I also had no intention of getting the least bit fancy with cooking right in the middle (and most hectic part) of the day. So I came up with an old fashioned rotation of simple lunches. The way I always envision people in the fifties did with dinner. "Oh, it's Tuesday. It's spaghetti night!" Don't tell Ron I got the idea from the fifties. He hates the fifties. Anyway here is my rotation:

Monday ~ Peanut butter sandwiches

Tuesday ~ English muffin pizzas

Wednesday ~ Wraps

Thursday ~ Grilled Cheese

Friday ~ Turkey Sandwiches.

Okay, they are still a little pathetic, but I am getting no complaints. I have such peace of mind not having to think something up everyday. Wednesday is the only day I will get the least bit fancy. I want to try a new wrap recipe every week. Until winter comes and then I will switch Wednesdays to soup. So, what kinda wrap did we have today on Wednesday? We didn't. We had English muffin pizzas. Systems were made for man, not man for systems.

My Invincible Territory

A friend of mine shared this quote on Facebook today. I have no idea if it is from a book or a sermon or what. All I know is it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear and it is EXACTLY what I need the Holy Spirit to work into my heart today. Sometimes conviction reaches up and smacks my hand pretty hard and I all I can say is "Yes, Sir!" I call that feeling "getting in trouble". I kinda love that feeling. I mean no one likes getting in trouble but it sure does feel better than hanging out in sinful grumpiness. For those of you who know what I mean about liking the feeling of "getting in trouble" and who maybe, like me, have been a little too focused on your own needs or your boundaries, if you will, all I can say is enjoy:

"If you get angry, upset and irritated and then blame it on your circumstances, you're deceiving yourself. The problem isn't your circumstances. The problem is the preoccupation of your mind that you're important, that your rights matter, that your territory is invincible." John MacArthur

My Weak Spot For Chipotle Has Developed Into A Passionate Love

 I am getting dangerously obsessed with Chipotle.  Ron and I have always had a weak spot for it in our hearts and our eating out budget, but since I have been pregnant and eating (and on bad days even  cooking) a lot of our regular foods grosses me out my weak spot for Chipotle has developed into a passionate love with which there is no reasoning.  I said this to Ron last week, "When Chipotle is SO delicious, SO affordable, fills you up so SO well, and serves wholesome food you can feel good about putting into your body and feeding to your children why would you ever eat anywhere else including your own home?"  He just looked at me for a long time and said "You are making me nervous."  Don't worry, baby, I am making myself nervous too.

My New Year's Resolutions

In December of 2003 my husband Ron sent me a postcard from Florida. On it he said, "It is cliche not make New Year's because they're cliche, so think of something good." That has pretty much been my view on the subject ever since. Here are mine for this year:

1. Brush Afton's teeth twice a day EVERYDAY.
2. Do the dinner dishes at night instead of the next morning.
3. Have friends over for dinner once a week.

I am sharing these here because I hear publicizing your goals is a good way to keep you from quitting on them. I am totally embarrassed by one and two because having them as goals is like saying to the world "Hey, I don't brush my daughter's teeth and I leave my dishes sitting out all night!" But I posted them anyway. Judge me if you must. I don't blame you.

For the record I do brush Afton's teeth, just not nearly as regularly as I should. She squirms so much that it seems pointless, so it never gets high priority. Now that I have outed myself on the Internet though, hopefully those cute little teeth will get the attention they deserve.

As for the "I leave my dishes sitting out all night" part, well, I have no for the record statement for that. I do it. Pretty much every night. I know, I know! I am stopping though. That is what this humbling (humiliating) post is about.

As for the last one, I know it sounds very ambitious. It is meant to be. It is designed to be a boot camp of sorts, on the reasoning that if you do something a whole bunch of times in a row it stops being scary. Time for embarrassing confession number three. I am terrified of having people over for dinner. Every time we do have company we have a great time. We always talk about how fun it was and wonder why we don't do it more often. I know why though. It is because I get totally nervous about the prospect of cooking for other people. It is quite silly, really. It comes down the fact that I only know how to cook really normal things. I always feel like I need to be able to pull something fancy out of my hat and I know that I have nothing fancy in there. Nothing. Just stuff like spaghetti. Anyway, I always tell myself it is not about fancy food it is about fun and fellowship. I can tell myself that until I am blue in the face, but until I overcome my nervousness I am going to let fretting over fancy food keep me (and my family) from lots of occasions of fellowship and fun. (How is that for alliteration?) That is where resolution number three comes in. If I force myself to cook for friends fifty times this year I think I will beat back the majority of my nerves and I know we will have a lot of fun in the process.

So, there you have it. Wish me Godspeed! Happy New Year!

FAQ - Why Didn't You / Don't You Answer Your Phone?

There are several reasons that I sometimes don't answer my phone including but not limited to:

1. It is dead.

2. I unintentionally left it in the car.

3. I intentionally left it in the car because I am in church or at a doctor's appointment or somewhere else I do not want it to ring.

4. I am out and I accidently left it at home.

5. It is in another room and I do not hear it ringing.

6. It is in another room and I do hear it ringing but do not get to it fast enough.

7. It is in another room and I hear it ringing quietly and cannot tell what room it is coming from. In these circumstances it often weirdly feels like the sound is coming from every room.

8. It is in another room and I hear it ringing but can not get to it because I am in the middle of something like feeding or rocking a baby.

9. I do not know where it is.

10. I have company or am out with someone and it would be rude to answer the phone.

11. I do not recognize the number on the caller ID.

12. I do not want to talk to the person calling. (This I assure you, never applies to you.)

13. I do want to talk to the person calling, but do not have time right now to devote to the call.

14. The person calling is awkward to talk to, so I would rather just let them leave a message.

15. I know what the person calling wants and I do not yet have an answer for them.

16. I suspect the person calling is looking for someone else who is not with me.

17. I am in the middle of a serious conversation.

18. I am watching 24.

If I Had Tonight To Live Over Again...

...when Afton came running out of her room and peered cutely at me around the corner until I noticed her and then put out her adorable arms and said "Hold?" I would scoop her up and instead of just smiling at her and walking her back to bed like I did I would bring on to the couch with me. I would snuggle her and listen to her talk about babies and dogs and ducks and cups. If she asked me for a cup I would get her one without even trying to remember how much milk or juice she had already had today. Instead of thinking, "I know she is precious, but she needs to learn to stay in bed. We must have order" I would think, "I know I was looking forward to relaxing, but I need to make the most of these precious days. They go by so fast." Instead of basking in the silence of an empty living room I would bask in the brilliance of my daughter's sweet wide eyed innocence. The kind that just won't last forever. If I had tonight to live over I might even let her stay up until Daddy got home. What would it have hurt? And she wouldn't have made it that long anyway. All she really wanted was ten minutes more and if I had tonight to live over again I would have given them to her. It wouldn't have hurt anything. It wouldn't have spoiled her for life. She may have been a little more tired tomorrow morning and she may have tried it again tomorrow night. No permanent damage though, only permanent good. If I had tonight to live over again I would live it differently. Instead I will take this lesson with me into tomorrow.

My Favorite Pregnancy Snack

A small bowl of peanut butter and a mug of milk. Yum. It tastes best at about 3:00 PM. You know, right about now.

On the Golden Rule

One of the things I hate most in life is being misunderstood. I hate saying something the wrong way and sounding cold or rude or unconcerned or indifferent or angry or annoyed or...you know anything that I actually am not trying to be at the time. I hate the feeling of knowing what someone thinks I think or feel and knowing they have it all wrong. I especially hate the feeling of not being able to explain myself well enough to be understood. I hate being sized up and mentally classified by someone I know sees me all wrong. I hate people thinking they know my motives or intentions or what I will do next when they really do not know me at all. I really, really hate these things. I hate being misunderstood.

Why am I bringing this up in a post about the Golden Rule? Well, because when I really sit and think about the Golden Rule, when I think about what I wish that others would do to me, this is what I think about. My ultimate wish for how I would like others to treat me is that they would really listen and take the time to understand me and until they do they would assume the very best of my motives and intentions and give me a huge benefit of the doubt and tons and tons of room to grow. Humble mercy, I guess, is what I would call it.

So with that in mind, how am I doing at following the Golden Rule? In a word? Horribly. I pride myself on being an excellent judge of character. I size people up in a moment and almost irreversibly make my mind up about them. I have never met a stranger I couldn't almost immediately classify. I am no better with non-strangers, with friends and loved ones. I assume I know them so well that I know their every reason for doing something and exactly what they will do next. I have a terrible habit of jumping to conclusions and leaving no room for the chance that I may be wrong about someone. This is a sad, sad picture of myself I am painting. But it is an all too accurate portrayal as well.

How ironic that the kind of treatment I desire most from my fellow man is the kind of treatment I can be so very stingy with; the exact kind of treatment I find it so difficult to offer to others. It reminds of a quote I heard once that was something like the sin you despise most in others is often the one you struggle with the most in your own life. That is not the exact quote, but it was something like that. I am wondering if anyone else has the same struggle. When you think about how you want to be treated by others, does what comes to mind kind of mirror one of your biggest struggles or weaknesses in the way you treat those around you? I would be interested to hear.

Comma Confession.

I don't know where commas belong and where they do not belong anymore. I used to think I had a pretty good understanding of the proper usage of the English language. Not so much anymore. Lately, I am stumped by commas. I just can't remember all the rules. I wish there was a class at the library or something that I could take to help me remember. I think the fact that email doesn't require punctuation may be the reason I can't punctuate correctly anymore. I just realized that until I started this blog the only writing I have done since college has be in the form of an email. So there is my confession. I have no idea where commas belong in a sentence. I want to know though, so if you have any tips please send them my way. I just needed to get that off of my chest.