Just Keeping It Real -- Part 2

These little preciouses (even, er, especially the little one) trampled my nerves today like a Walmart doormat on Black Friday. By the time lunch rolled around I could barely breathe. So, naturally, I took all the oxygen I could muster to throw my head back toward the ceiling and yell "AWWWWWW!" as loud as I could for a good seven to ten seconds without stopping.

Afton said, "Mommy, is that because you don't like whining?"

I will leave that to her and to ya'll to figure out.

I read this last night. That lady gets it. Guess I need to read it again.

Because of the great response to my last keeping it real post I did consider putting a picture of up of some of the "science experiments" I have in my fridge right now but, alas, my pride is too great. Don't worry though, I definitely have enough subject matter to keep this series going for a while.

God Makes People Mad All The Time.

If you like making people mad this post is not for you. I know there are people in the world who do like making people mad and they need someone else to speak into their lives because all I would say would be "Hey, stop making people mad. It's making me feel uncomfortable." And really how helpful is that?

If, however, making people mad makes you miserable -- welcome to my world. I hate making people mad. I hate disappointing people. I hate burdening them or annoying them. These are some of the worst feelings I can think of and ones that I avoid at many costs. Earlier this week I realized this is something that I avoid at too many costs.

I was "playing" outside with my girls on a beautiful morning. Actually I was ignoring them and brushing off their excited comments so I could focus on doing something that was a total waste of time and that I wasn't even enjoying. Why? Because someone (who is not a regular reader of my blog nor a family member and so probably not you) had suggested it to me and I knew if I didn't finish by that afternoon they would find out and know I hadn't taken their suggestion.

All of a sudden (probably after shushing one of my kids or saying "Oh nice." and not even looking up at the dirt mound they had built) I asked myself. "Why the heck am I still doing this?" and before I had time to contrive a good reason I answered myself (Yes, that IS what crazy people do.) "So I won't make {REDACTED} mad."

Wow. And I had to admit that was the whole reason I was doing it. Not another reason at all was even contributing to it. Because I didn't want to risk disappointing someone I was neglecting the important for what in this case was utterly pointless. Ouch.

And then I had the most liberating thought I have had in a while. God makes people mad all the time. He is perfect and He is good and He is kind and He IS love and yet he manages to make millions of people angry every single day. I place a high value on how much what I do will please or displease others. It was huge epiphany for me to realize that in this way I was not sharing God's values. When Jesus was on Earth he made people angry too. He made them angry enough to kill him. I let whether or not something will anger or disappoint someone be the deciding factor in whether or not I do a lot. It wouldn't be too much of a stretch to say I do that all the time. That's not what Jesus did.

I thought I was thinking of others by not wanting to make them mad, but in reality I was thinking of myself. I wasn't trying to prevent the suffering of others I was trying to mitigate my own discomfort by making sure by whatever means I felt necessary people were rarely displeased with me. My avoidance of the anger of others is nothing like godliness. It is definitely not Christlike. At root it is selfishness and one thing I know about selfishness is that it makes everything worse.

So where do I go from here? Start making people mad on purpose? Stop considering at all how my actions will affect others? No, of course not. As Sissy would say, "Thas not kind!" As Afton would say, "Now you're just being wacky." I think I need to stop dressing up my own self-protective tendencies like they are sacrificial love and learn to really love sacrificially the way Jesus did. His unselfishness, love, and willingness to sacrifice are unmatched in history but he was not afraid of the anger of men. I think the more I grow to be like Him the less afraid of it I will be as well.

My Friend Self-Control

I've been reading this book:

I am not very far into it, but so far I've found it very helpful. Today I was reading a chapter on self-control and came across these two statements that capture the blessedness of that virtue so well.

"Self-contol is our wall of defense against the enemies of our soul."

"We desperately need the grace of self-control to avoid sin's destructive cycles. When we recognize self-contol as the virtue that spares us from sin's negative consequences, we will welcome it eagerly as our friend."

Reading those words made me want to do just that. Welcome self-control as my dear friend.

My Invincible Territory

A friend of mine shared this quote on Facebook today. I have no idea if it is from a book or a sermon or what. All I know is it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear and it is EXACTLY what I need the Holy Spirit to work into my heart today. Sometimes conviction reaches up and smacks my hand pretty hard and I all I can say is "Yes, Sir!" I call that feeling "getting in trouble". I kinda love that feeling. I mean no one likes getting in trouble but it sure does feel better than hanging out in sinful grumpiness. For those of you who know what I mean about liking the feeling of "getting in trouble" and who maybe, like me, have been a little too focused on your own needs or your boundaries, if you will, all I can say is enjoy:

"If you get angry, upset and irritated and then blame it on your circumstances, you're deceiving yourself. The problem isn't your circumstances. The problem is the preoccupation of your mind that you're important, that your rights matter, that your territory is invincible." John MacArthur

Do Not Be Overcome With Evil But Overcome Evil With Good

1. Today for lunch my kids had apple sauce, provolone, and turkey. With milk. Afton calls provolone "holes cheese". Some might think that is swiss cheese, but not to Afton. For some reason that is the name she has given to provolone.

2. Tonight for dinner we are trying a recipe I got from my friend's blog. Brie Chicken. Oh my goodness that sounds so yummy. Find the recipe here. Not sure if I should use my whole wedge of brie or just part of it. Is there such a thing as too much brie? I doubt it.

3. I've been reading Romans 12 everyday with the kids at lunch. Wow.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil: cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep you spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary: If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Romans 12:9-21

They Make Everything We Already Enjoyed So Much More Enjoyable.

1. Today for lunch my children ate cooked carrots and whole wheat tortillas. They had water to drink, which they hate, but I am trying to teach them to love.

2. Here is a thought that has been bungling around in my head for a few years and I have decided to release and share. When your loyalty to someone or something for whatever reason requires you to hate or at least not to love someone else (particularly another Christian) I think it stops being loyalty and starts being sin. I would like to hear other thoughts on that.

3. Ponder is obsessed with feeding herself now. Pretty soon I won't have anyone to feed at the dinner table. I will just sit there and eat. Amazing thought really! I haven't done that since August of 2007. Even after the baby is born I will have six good months where my only responsibility at a meal is to eat it. Pretty exciting!

4. I caramelized my own onions last night. They were quite good, thanks for asking. The thought of doing that a year ago would have terrified me just because it sounds fancy and I am afraid of doing fancy stuff. I have learned, though, pretty much everything I ever try ends up being easier that I thought it was going to be. Except labor. That was much, much harder.

5. We are going to "make puckins" with Afton tomorrow. That's make pumpkins for those of you who don't speak two year old. I love how easy it is to get her excited about things. She is pumped about "fall time". All she knows is that involves "puckins" and "rainbow trees". What a precious delight having little children is. They make everything we already enjoyed so much more enjoyable. Well, maybe except for sleeping.

Amen.

A prayer from The Valley of Vision :

SPIRITUS SANCTUS

O HOLY SPIRIT,
As the sun is full of light, the ocean full of water,
Heaven full of glory, so may my heart be full of thee.
Vain are all purposes of divine love
and the redemption by Jesus
except thou work within,
regenerating by thy power,
giving me eyes to see Jesus
showing me to the realities of the unseen world.
Give me thyself without measure,
as an unimpaired fountain,
as inexhaustible riches.
I bewail my coldness, poverty, emptiness,
imperfect vision, languid service,
prayerless prayers, praiseless praise.
Suffer me not to grieve or resist thee.
Come as power,
to expel every rebel lust, to reign supreme and keep me thine;
Come as teacher,
leading me into all truth, filling me with all understanding;
Come as love,
that I may adore the Father, and love him as my all;
Come as joy,
to dwell in me, move in me, animate me;
Come as light,
illuminating the Scripture, moulding me to its laws;
Come as sanctifier,
body, soul and spirit wholly thine;
Come as helper,
with strength to bless and keep, directing my every step;
Come as beautifier,
bringing order out of confusion, loveliness out of chaos.
Magnify to me thy glory by being magnified in me,
and make me redolent of thy fragrance.

So be it.

Shared Prayers

This book of shared prayers has been a tremendous encouragement, rebuke, teacher, blessing in my life. It has helped me to turn my eyes upon Jesus like few other books ever have. I have recently rediscovered it and wanted to introduce it to any of you who have never read it. I heartily encourage you to find a copy and be sharpened and comforted by its beautiful, worship inspiring words. I know you won't regret it.

On the Golden Rule

One of the things I hate most in life is being misunderstood. I hate saying something the wrong way and sounding cold or rude or unconcerned or indifferent or angry or annoyed or...you know anything that I actually am not trying to be at the time. I hate the feeling of knowing what someone thinks I think or feel and knowing they have it all wrong. I especially hate the feeling of not being able to explain myself well enough to be understood. I hate being sized up and mentally classified by someone I know sees me all wrong. I hate people thinking they know my motives or intentions or what I will do next when they really do not know me at all. I really, really hate these things. I hate being misunderstood.

Why am I bringing this up in a post about the Golden Rule? Well, because when I really sit and think about the Golden Rule, when I think about what I wish that others would do to me, this is what I think about. My ultimate wish for how I would like others to treat me is that they would really listen and take the time to understand me and until they do they would assume the very best of my motives and intentions and give me a huge benefit of the doubt and tons and tons of room to grow. Humble mercy, I guess, is what I would call it.

So with that in mind, how am I doing at following the Golden Rule? In a word? Horribly. I pride myself on being an excellent judge of character. I size people up in a moment and almost irreversibly make my mind up about them. I have never met a stranger I couldn't almost immediately classify. I am no better with non-strangers, with friends and loved ones. I assume I know them so well that I know their every reason for doing something and exactly what they will do next. I have a terrible habit of jumping to conclusions and leaving no room for the chance that I may be wrong about someone. This is a sad, sad picture of myself I am painting. But it is an all too accurate portrayal as well.

How ironic that the kind of treatment I desire most from my fellow man is the kind of treatment I can be so very stingy with; the exact kind of treatment I find it so difficult to offer to others. It reminds of a quote I heard once that was something like the sin you despise most in others is often the one you struggle with the most in your own life. That is not the exact quote, but it was something like that. I am wondering if anyone else has the same struggle. When you think about how you want to be treated by others, does what comes to mind kind of mirror one of your biggest struggles or weaknesses in the way you treat those around you? I would be interested to hear.

To the Person Who Took My Wet Laundry Out of the Washer and Tossed it Aside

Dear Sir or Madame,
Forgive me. You are obviously very important and I didn't take that into account when I left my laundry in the washer for a few extra minutes so I wouldn't have to leave my bawling baby unattended. Don't worry I am not as important as you, so it doesn't matter if all my towels air dry in clumps and smell like mold.
Your friend,
Nobody

I wanted to write this note out on a 3x5 card with a sharpie and tape it to the wash machine. Ron wouldn't let me. He said I would be embarrassed if anyone ever found out it was me. I am not sure I would be, but I am pretty sure I should be. See, I told you he is good for me.

The funny thing about me getting so mad about this situation (Oh and I was really mad. The first note I wanted to write can't be reprinted here.) is that just this morning I was listening to and I thought really learning from a sermon on humility. The crux of it was that humility means considering other people (their hopes, dreams, feelings, needs, desires to do their laundry) as more important that than yourself. That means that while I wanted the unknown launderer to be considerate of me, to think that perhaps I had a good reason for not returning to the laundry room the minute my final spin cycle ended, the right and humble way for me to look at it would have been for me to consider that perhaps they had a good reason for needing to start their laundry without delay. You know, maybe they had to leave suddenly for an unexpected trip and had no clean clothes. Maybe they hated to take my wet towels out of the washer, but saw no other option. Maybe not. The point is I don't know why they did it, but the humble and Christlike response would have, funnily enough, been much like my letter - minus all the sarcasm. It is hard not to think of myself as the most important person in the universe. It is something I hope I can learn to do.

My towels are fine to by the way. The world did not end. I found them very soon after they had been taken out and cast aside (see, I was trying to come back as fast as I could) and was able to put them right in the dryer without having to wash them again. I made sure to be back to retrieve them from the dryer the moment it stopped. I may have a long way to go towards humility, but I know how to take hint.

Home-Making ~ by J.R. Miller

I wrote this review for my church newsletter which I hope explains its brevity and broadness. I wish I had time to do this blessed book more justice, but for now, I simply do not. I will add two things:

1. I am not exaggerating when I say this is the best book I have ever read.

2. It makes an excellent wedding present. I doubt I will ever give anything else.

I heartily recommend Home-Making by J.R. Miller to anyone who is a part of a family! Yes, that is everybody! Do not be misled by the title or the cover. This is not a book written only for wives and mothers. All members of a Christian home – fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, husbands, and wives will be blessed, encouraged, sharpened, and challenged by a reading of this book.

Miller begins his book with a chapter on what the calls "The Wedded Life" which is the very bedrock of the family. He then devotes a chapter to each role in every family. There is a chapter directed to the husband, the wife, the parents, the children, and a chapter on the special relationship between brothers and sisters.

In each of these chapters Miller describes with beauty and eloquence what it looks like when Christians live out the sweet sacrifice of Christ daily in the most important place on earth – the home. The final chapters of the book are spent on more comprehensive topics such as the home life and religion in the home.

I hope you will be as inspired by this lovely book as I have been.

"You know what a true home ought to be. It ought to be a place where love rules. It ought to be beautiful, bright, joyous, full of tenderness and affection; a place in which all are growing happier and better each day."

Three Calendars

When 2005 became 2006 and it was time to switch the calendars, I decided not to throw the 2005 calendar away. 2005 was the first full year Ron and I were married and I thought it would be so special to keep every calendar we ever had as a married couple. It would be so cute, I thought, to look back when we were in our fifties and remember that on February 22 of the first year we were married I worked from 9:00AM to 5:30PM and Ron worked from 3:00PM to 11:30PM. You know, and other stuff like that. Ever since then at the beginning of the new year I have tucked away the previous year's calendar somewhere in my closet.

Today as I was picking up my messy closet I came across all the calendars we have ever had together and something really struck me. There were only three of them. Wow. Every single day of my entire marriage could fit into those three small booklets. I felt so small and insignificant. Small and insignificant, like I really am. Those three years had been the biggest and most significant of my life. But they were still just three tiny years. I thought of all the people I knew who would have thirty or forty calendars had they saved them all, or of Ron's grandma who had earned sixty-five calendars before she lost her husband last spring. There were people not much older that me who were already up to ten or more. I only had three. Those three calendars served as great reminder to me of all I still have to learn. Sometimes when I can feel myself growing and learning and changing so much I get excited and maybe a little proud of myself and feel like I am actually becoming something. Seeing those three calendars reminded me that I am only rookie. It might do me some good every now and then to be quiet about what I know and have learned and just listen to those who have a little more experience than I have. This was the humble pie that I had more breakfast this morning.

On a funny note about calendars, this year was Ron's turn to pick ours out. I will enclose a picture of our fourth calender. The one hanging on the wall in our living room right now.



Yes, those are guns. And, no, I never would have agreed to this in 2005. I can't even imagine what the relaxing effect of time and the sanctifying effect of marriage will have me hanging on my walls should God be pleased to give us fifty or so more years.

T.H.I.N.K.

My tongue is most definitely, when left to its own devices, indeed, a deadly poison. Poisonous to me, to those around me, and most heart-breakingly to those I love most. In God's grace I am at least aware of this and have long desired that in Him I may someday find it in full compliance with the "law of kindness". One of the best tools God has blessed me with in this quest is a little acrostic I learned in college: T.H.I.N.K.

On a small side note, acrostics and other such practical tools are powerless idols apart from a reliance on the grace of God and the righteousness and sacrifice of Christ. I am so thankful that sanctification is God's work. He has started it and he will finish it. Praise be to Him! Still, Christians using practical means as they seek to submit to God's ways in no way diminishes the fact that it is God working in them to will and to do his pleasure. On the contrary, it is an evidence that such work is taking place. My point is that while sanctification, like childbirth, is truly miraculous, it is also very practical. I believe that practical human tools that help us grow in obedience are a tremendous blessing when used in faith and with the understanding that there is no righteousness apart from Christ.

Anyway, back to T.H.I.N.K. Thinking before you speak is easier said than done, but that is an entirely different subject. Supposing you actually have remembered to think before your words are unleashed, this acrostic is meant to help you decide what is worth saying. Things that are worth saying are:

True
Helpful
Inspiring
Necessary
Kind

It is not perfect, but it has been very, very helpful to me. I have learned, though, that most of my sins of speech have not come from being unable to discern what is worth saying, but being unable (unwilling?) to discern what is not worth saying. If I turn T.H.I.N.K. on its head I see there is a lot to be learned about what is better left unsaid. Things that are not worth saying are:

Untrue. I ought not say things I know to be false or partially false. I ought not present as facts things I only think to be true. In fact things I only think to be true may be better left unsaid all together, or stated only as hopes or concerns to my Heavenly Father or to a close and trusted love one.

Hindering. If something I want to say will make it more difficult for my hearer to lead the life the Lord has assigned to him then I better not say it.

Demoralizing. There is no place in Christian speech for the intentional or careless crushing of another's spirit. Complaining, even commiserating, is a big demoralizer that often masquerades as compassion or sympathy.

Non Value Adding. The "N" in T.H.I.N.K. can be very confusing. When I think of "necessary" in terms of life and death then very few words can pass the test. Fire! and Duck! are the only two that come to mind right now. But I think "necessary" is best understood as "value adding". Necessary words are words that actually contribute to the hearer's knowledge, understanding, or enjoyment. Knock, knock jokes can be "necessary" in a car full of bored children. Saying "It's cold." in a room full of shivering adults is an example of something that is not necessary. Inane statements made solely to hear my own voice, to draw attention to myself, or to fill silence add no value to the conversation and are truly unnecessary -- not worth saying.

Unkind. There is not much to elaborate on here. I shouldn't say things that are unkind. I know what kindness and unkindness are. Seeking a specific adult definition would just be me looking for a loophole I can use to slip in words that I know better than to say. Recognizing kindness and unkindness is child's play. Living day to day in kindness takes nothing less than the dying to one's self and dying again and again.

There is much more that can and should be said about the the Christian and her tongue. This is just a little something that has helped and continues to help me. Taming the tongue has been one of the fiercest battles of my life. It is Christ's battle win.