Flowering Weeds

Two of my new friends here in South Carolina lost babies to miscarriages last week. Babies that they loved and were looking forward to meeting. Babies who would have loved the sweet mommies they were born to. These particular girls have been two of the friendliest and most welcoming people I have met in my new home. I am thankful for them and now I am deeply saddened that such a heartbreaking circumstance has befallen people who have been so kind to me. I have wept while writing this paragraph and it has taken me much longer to write it than it took for you to read it.

Five years ago we lost our first baby to a miscarriage. I didn't much feel like talking about it then and have very rarely talked about it since. When I do mention it it is always in an all business kind of way. I will state the fact that it happened and whatever details surrounding it that are pertinent to the conversation at hand. But I don't...go there. I don't open my heart to any feelings whatsoever surrounding the matter. It is a closed case. Miscarriages happen all the time and one happened to me. Done.

Or so I thought. But then when my friends started having experiences I knew too well those long ignored feelings made their presence known again. The feelings that start when you see blood where blood shouldn't be when you're pregnant. The feelings that grow when the bleeding doesn't stop even as you are trying to convince yourself that it is getting lighter. The feelings that crash down around you when some medical person tells that what you have feared and hoped against and prayed against has happened. Your baby is gone and you will not hold it until heaven. The feelings that sink in when you realize your baby will always be called it. Never him or her. Loud, ugly, painful feelings. Feelings that you don't want and don't know what to do with. Feelings you try to hide when someone asks you how you are. I hate those feelings. I hate that the commonness of miscarriages means that those awful feelings are common too. I hate that the commonness of such awful feelings doesn't make them any less awful. If anything it just makes them more infuriating. I hate all of that.

But in revisiting the emotions of losing a baby I reminded of another kind of feeling I had back then. A feeling that is beautiful and is odd in that it only accompanies the darkest and most terrible of feelings. The kind of peace and hope that only show up in the midst of real fear and despair. The supernatural assurance of God's goodness that is only relevant when everything in you wants to ask how He could be so cruel. The joy that God saves aside for only his children who are experiencing profound sorrow. It's a kind of feeling I can't explain. Supernatural is the best word I've got for it. I think it is commonly called grace.

My miscarriage took place in Italy. I spent a week in an Italian hospital. I had left my home at the end of winter. What was supposed to be a quick four day trip to welcome my brother back from Afghanistan turned into two weeks in a strange place going through the most excruciating experience of my life. While I was gone winter turned into early spring. When I stepped out of my car after the long flight and ride home my yard was covered in purple flowers. Weeds really, but they were flowering weeds, and they were where nothing but winter deadness had been when I left. They said to me in a way no human could have gotten away with "Life goes on." Not in a trite shruggy oh-well-better-luck-next-time kinda way. But in the resounding way of a trustworthy promise. LIFE - real life, the kinda life God makes - goes on and on and on even in this world so broken that an innocent baby isn't even safe in the womb of the mother who loves it. That is what those flowering weeds said to me. My yard wasn't covered in flowers my yard was covered in grace.

I was away this weekend while my friends were just beginning to grapple with their loss. In my prayers for them I kept coming back to those flowering weeds. I asked God to send them something like that. Some kind of visible, palpable grace that is louder than their pain and that is kinder than this world is cruel. I believe that He will.

When I arrived home on Monday my yard that I had left in the dead of winter just days before was full of those same purple flowers I first noticed all those years ago.

His mercy endures forever.

Ever.

Today my house is full of people I love and it's the best St. Valentine's Day I have ever known.

I Love That Story.

Sissy loves telling stories. They all follow this exact formula:

Once upon a time there was beautiful (pronounced "byoo-ful") princess named {insert name here i.e. Ariel, Jasmine, Afton, Ponder, Jessie, Veggie Tales}. She was very beautiful but she was not mean or foolish. And you know what happened? I don't know! And that's the end.

I love that story. It never ever gets old.

Speaking of Veggies Tales Afton recently approached me about something I could tell she had been thinking about for a while. "Mommy, Larry and Bob kinda look like food. Is that crazy?"

I had to be honest and say "Yeah, it kinda is."

These girls make me laugh.

It's a lot of fun living in a castle full of byoo-ful princesses. And that's the end.

But Seriously...YAY FOR OUTSIDE.

We had some kind of lentil soup for lunch. It came from a can from Trader Joes. I realized pretty early on in soup season that making soup from scratch at lunch time was not the best use of my time. So cans it is. More important though is where we ate lunch. Right here:


Our brand new picnic table that Ron bought for us yesterday. I am so excited to eat outside with my family. I want to do it all time. Today after the girls finished their lunches they took their messy fingers and their messy selves to the yard and played. Ron and I just sat there and finished our lunches while watching the girls play and talking like grown-ups. Normally, when the girls are done we have to be done too because we immediately have to clean them up so they don't track even more yogurt and jelly and spaghetti sauce and yucky yucky all over the house. Not when we are outside. Yay for outside.

But seriously...YAY FOR OUTSIDE. It is glorious lately. Everywhere I look I see spectacular trees outside my windows. The air feels amazing. Afton asked me in the car today why God made fall and all I could say is that it was because He wanted to fill our hearts with wonder. Why else?

Anyway, I'm not sure what we are having for dinner tonight but I am pretty sure I know where we will eat it. God is showing off out there right now and I don't wanna miss it.

Chances to buy back a bit of your childhood wonder don't come around everyday.

This plate may not mean much to you. For me it is the joy of childhood. Being loved, belonging, the world being right.

My Nana had this china when I was a kid. I have eaten an untold number of Sunday dinners, Thanksgiving turkeys, and Christmas hams from plates that look just like these. Not the mention all the chocolate pie I have eaten off of this plate's baby brother. These dainty blue flowers bring with them a stampede of memories. My dad and Papa discussing theology and politics at the table. My brother saying "Nana, you really outdid yourself this time." and then looking anxiously around the table to see if he had used that phrase properly. My Papa giving my Aunt Debby a hard time "It's gravy night on Debby's shirt!" and Debby squealing at him and appealing to Nana, "Mom, make him stop!" We would eat and eat and eat until we were full and then we would have dessert. Nana would ask who wanted dessert and without fail Papa would say, "I don't ever remember turning it down except the one time I misunderstood the lady." When we were done my mom and Aunt Debby would fight over which one of them got to do the dishes for Nana. They both wanted to. From my childish point of view we were all unspeakably happy and this unspeakable happiness was all I knew for a long, long time.

In the years since big kid realities like disease and divorce have dismantled this happy scene. One by one those dainty blue flowered dishes all broke or were given away. Some perhaps were placed in storage and forgotten. My memories of those days were placed in storage and forgotten. New dishes replaced the old ones and my grown up reality replaced my childhood.

Until a couple of weeks ago when I was wandering aimlessly around my church garage sale. A pitcher caught my eye. Actually it was those dear blue flowers on the pitcher that caught my eye. The lady selling them must have seen it in my face...the look of seeing a long lost friend somewhere you would never have thought to look for her. She pulled the box out from under the table. A full set of the very same china my Nana had. She would sell it to me for fifty dollars. Chances to buy back a bit of your childhood wonder don't come around everyday. A quick trip to the ATM and they were mine.

Once they were home I left them on the counter like this for days. Every time I passed them feeling gleeful that they were mine to make glorious memories on with my children. Seeing my children celebrate with these loved old dishes and their big innocent eyes will be beautiful marriage of the past and present. An experience I am so thankful I will likely be able to have many times over in the coming years!

Happy Birthday Ponder Sissy!

1. She answers more quickly to Sissy than to Ponder.

2. She thinks for herself.

3. You can't make Sissy do anything Sissy doesn't want to do.

4. She loves to snuggle.

5. She prefers juice, but will drink water out of her "watoo boddool."

6. Her skin is probably the softest surface on the planet.

7. "I wuv you."

8. "I baseball."

9. "I go back to church. NO! I go back to school."

10. She has the most adorable version of "Take Me Out To The Ballgame." You will probably never hear it though because she won't give command performances. (See #3.)

11. Like her sister Afton she loves Sleeping Beauty. She likes to pretend she is "MannyWetter" the blue fairy. (Merryweather.)

12. She can sing every word to the Sleeping Beauty song "Once Upon A Dream" and has been able to sing it all since she was just over one year old. She could sing that entire song before she was even really talking.

13. She loves to play with Afton. Just follows her around and giggles her heart out.

14. From the first moment she laid eyes on baby Rose she was smitten. She calls her Rosie. She sounds so cute when she says it I think I am going to let it stick.

15. She is fearless.

15. She is very independent.

16. She is no good after nap until she has been snuggled for at least five minutes. "Hold you." And what a delicious five minutes they are.

17. She loves her small baby doll named "Tiny Sister."

18. She also loves her bigger baby doll named "Boy."

19. She knows and understands a lot more than she lets on. Every now and then I catch her being smarter than she wants me to think she is.

20. She removed the lighting and music piece from inside her Glow Worm and uses it as a "lantern". (See #19)

21. We call her our little engineer. (See #20)

22. We think she is going to be a lefty. (See #21)

23. We have yet to find a form of discipline that deters her from anything she has her heart set on doing. Thankfully, we still have prayer.

24. She is ridiculously cute in pig tails.

25. You'll probably never see her wearing them though because she won't leave them in. (See #3)

26. She loves silly games.

27. She loves listening to "my songs" in the car.

28. Holy Holy Holy is her favorite song.

29. She calls all balls basketballs and she loves them.

30. She can already drink out of a big girl cup and sits in a big girl chair at the table.

31. She is heartbroken at the indignity of having her food cut into bite size pieces. She cries and cries and moans "Like a big girl! Like a big girl!"

32. She has a lot of nicknames. Peanut, Sweet P, Putter Butter but "Ponder Sissy" is what Afton has been calling her since she was about five months old and that is by far her most widely used nickname. Sissy doesn't seem like a nickname at all anymore. That is just who she is.

33. "I Sissy!"

34. She loves princesses.

35. "Sissy, are you a princess?" "No! I orange."

36. You have to earn her smile, but when you do it is a smile that will melt your heart.

37. She loves her princess potty Daddy got her. "I did it! Gwate job!"

38. She can build a serious "cackle"with legos and blocks. (Castle.)

39. Her favorite toy to date is a small yellow strip of plastic named "Stripe."

40. She loves Wilson the dog next door.

41. She is not easily impressed.

42. She can sit and turn the pages of books for hours.

43. She is perfectly happy to play all by herself.

44. She likes taking things apart and putting them back together. (See #21.)

45. She likes things to be just so.

46. She calls all clothing "jammies".

47. She loves all shoes and can walk quite well in adult shoes. Even boots.

48. Her favorite book is "We're Going on a Bear Hunt" and she knows most of it by heart. She calls it "Tip Toe".

49. When Afton asks her when she will be done with a certain toy she always says very confidently "Five."

50. We can already tell that is going to be an athlete.

51. She will climb anything. (See # 15)

52. She can balance like nobody's business.

53. Still, I know it is just a matter of time until she falls down all of our stairs.

54. At the beginning of the summer she was terrified of water and swimming, now she can't get enough.

55. She is lost without Afton.

56. She loves riding on Daddy's shoulders.

57. She gets carsick just like Mommy.

58. She loves dressing up.

59. She turns purple when she eats or gets cold. Pretty crazy really.

60. She likes to ask Rose "You naughty? You nice? You a boy? You a girl?"

61. "I fight you!"

62. "And then....and then....and then."

63. "Thas rude!"

64. She has best lion roar I have ever heard!

65. She has an iron will.

66. She is not easily impressed.

67. "I no like it."

69. She likes to be with her people.

70. She has been finding a way to tip over her car seat since she was an infant.

71. She doesn't like help going to the potty.

72. She doesn't like help with pretty much anything.

73. "No, I help!"

74. She likes to help others though.

75. She loves to push the button on the coffee pot in the mornings.

76. She loves Woody (also called "Toy Movie) and Buzz Lightyear (also called "Buzz Light").

77. She is a watcher and a listener.

78. She loves buckling and unbuckling any kind of buckle.

79. She loves coloring on the walls. If she can't do it with crayons she will do it with painted blocks or something like that.

80. She likes Little Einsteins.

81. She loves animals.

83. She loves pointing at things and telling you what they are.

84. She doesn't really like snow, grass, or sand.

85. She loves balloons.

86. She is our pickiest eater. We used to have to put a little bit of orange juice in her milk to get her to drink it. Yuck!

87. She is a quick and quiet learner.

88. She claps her hands to tell you she wants something.

89. When we are eating at Chipotle she starts off using a fork but usually resorts to finishing her burrito bowl with her fingers.

90. She can make a pretty big mess when she is eating but it will all be on her hands and face and the table and floor. Her clothes seem to always make it out unscathed.

91. "It's not easy being Sissy." and "That's just Sissy being Sissy." have become common phrases around here to describe life with Sissy.

92. Lately when she sees Rose she points at her and says, "Mommy, what's that? That Rosie Posie."

93. "Right, Mommy?"

94. When we are in the car and I smile at her in the rear view mirror she melts into one of the cutest smiles I have ever seen. It never fails.

95. It may not be easy being Sissy, but she does a great job at it.

96. She has also done a great job at capturing all our hearts.

97. She makes each of our lives richer and more beautiful. So happy God chose to add her to our family.

98. She is one of the sweetest blessings He has ever given us.

99. Happy Birthday Ponder Sissy! Can't believe we have only known you for two years.

100. Looking forward to many more years of seeing you grow in grace and beauty and just spending everyday watching Sissy being Sissy.

They Make Everything We Already Enjoyed So Much More Enjoyable.

1. Today for lunch my children ate cooked carrots and whole wheat tortillas. They had water to drink, which they hate, but I am trying to teach them to love.

2. Here is a thought that has been bungling around in my head for a few years and I have decided to release and share. When your loyalty to someone or something for whatever reason requires you to hate or at least not to love someone else (particularly another Christian) I think it stops being loyalty and starts being sin. I would like to hear other thoughts on that.

3. Ponder is obsessed with feeding herself now. Pretty soon I won't have anyone to feed at the dinner table. I will just sit there and eat. Amazing thought really! I haven't done that since August of 2007. Even after the baby is born I will have six good months where my only responsibility at a meal is to eat it. Pretty exciting!

4. I caramelized my own onions last night. They were quite good, thanks for asking. The thought of doing that a year ago would have terrified me just because it sounds fancy and I am afraid of doing fancy stuff. I have learned, though, pretty much everything I ever try ends up being easier that I thought it was going to be. Except labor. That was much, much harder.

5. We are going to "make puckins" with Afton tomorrow. That's make pumpkins for those of you who don't speak two year old. I love how easy it is to get her excited about things. She is pumped about "fall time". All she knows is that involves "puckins" and "rainbow trees". What a precious delight having little children is. They make everything we already enjoyed so much more enjoyable. Well, maybe except for sleeping.

I Probably Won't Bake Something New Everyday

1. I don't have time to have a fancy blog with long double proof read posts, but I do miss having a way to remember my thoughts as my days pass me by, open my life to my friends and acquaintances, and leave a record for my children of their infancy and childhood, so I am back, but keeping it simple.

2. I have decided to bake my brains out this holiday season and I can't wait! I have always loved the idea of holiday goodies everywhere all season long. That was how it was at my Nana's house growing up. There was never a day without a pie or some candies or special bread or something yummy! It made everything so special. I have been wanting to make the holiday season a celebration everyday all season long and I can't really think of an easier or better way to celebrate than with food. My only drawback has been all those calories. How could I make festive goodies everyday and not end up as fat as a Christmas goose myself. This unanswered question has been what has kept me from ever embarking on my holiday baking mission. But I got thinking....what with me pregnant and all and not really supposed to be worried about calories and not really supposed to be too worried about my weight this will be the perfect season to try my experiment.  So here we go!  Well, beginning November 1st (Ron's birthday and my official start of holiday season) pumpkin muffins and pumpkin pie will start things off and will give way to Christmas candies, cookies, and ciders as our thoughts turn from Thanksgiving to Christmas.  It is going to be yummy around here!  I probably won't bake something new everyday, but when the last treat runs out I will know it is time to start something up!  I think it is gonna be a fun way to keep all that we have to celebrate in the forefront of our minds.  If it turns out awesome I will keep doing it in years when I am not pregnant.  Fattening up for winter is good right? Plus I will never be wanting for a New Year's Resolution!

3.  Afton and Ponder went to Chuck E. Cheese's for the first time in her life yesterday.  That place is so fun!  I had forgotten.  We were on a fifteen hour ride home from Florida and we wanted pizza for lunch.  The only pizza place at our exit was Chuck E. Cheese, not really the kind of place you want to stop on a fifteen hour trip.  We really wanted pizza though and I told Ron the kids don't even know what it is so they won't ask to play unless we bring it up.  We could just eat there like it was a regular pizza place and they would be none the wiser.  Good enough plan, but once we got inside the fun took over.  It started with me!  As soon as I saw the skeet ball machines I told Afton me'n Daddy were about to get nasty on some skeet ball.  She had know idea what that even was.    Then there were the tradional singing animals, (Afton adored them of course.) , the blue screen kids could dance in front of and then be put up on huge TV screens so everybody in the restaurant could see them, the five free tokens that came with our food that we just has to use!  We were sunk.  Fun was going to be had.  The trip would have wait.  Our pizza was disgusting, but we left thinking there was no where better we could have stopped!  After a couple of rides on cars and horses and merry go rounds Afton was a new kid, totally renewed for the trip.   Just getting to see the singing animals and watch her sister dancing on a big TV screen was enough to lift Ponder's spirits.  Ron and I did try our hand at the skeet ball.  Let's just say together we didn't make enough tickets to buy even the cheapest toy.  There is always next time though, and there certainly will be a next time!

"Its 1:53 in the morning -- is it time for me to declare my intentions?"

Five years ago tonight the brief silence in my kitchen was broken by those words.



"You tell me." I responded coyly, and so began the conversation that would change my life. Forever. For better.

We discussed whether or not we wanted to "give it a try" for a couple of minutes and then we spent the next two hours discussing what giving it a try would look like for us. It was more than a mere DTR. (Though, we had no doubt that was what our friends would be calling it the next morning.) For us it was the beginning of our Great Attempt . That was what we christened the new direction our relationship was taking that night. Our attempt to learn to love well and then to love as well as we possibly could and to never stop learning to love well and loving as well as we possibly could. Our attempt to work hard at our love from the beginning and meet problems and pitfalls head on and handle them rather than be handled by them. We didn't use all those words just then, for fear of saying too much, but five years into it that is pretty much how I would sum it up. So yeah, pretty heavy stuff for your average DTR. Maybe that explains why we engaged two weeks later.

I have never stopped being thankful for that night. I never will. I will never stop being thankful to Ron for having the courage to "declare his intentions" when it would have been just as easy not to. I will never stop being thankful to God for the little and big providences he crafted into our lives up to that point so that when that night of great importance came we were as ready as we could be. Neither of us deserved to be as ready as we were.

So, how is it going, this Great Attempt of ours? We are about a mile and a half into our marathon. It is still exciting. It is still hard to believe we are actually really going for it. It is fun. It is a whole lot of fun actually. And, it is already harder than I thought it would be. Turns out the hard work that love requires takes more than love alone to accomplish. It takes nothing less than the grace of God. Fortunately, we serve an extravagantly generous God. It is already a whole lot better than I thought it would be too. It is by far the most rich and rewarding endeavor of my life. I am fortunate beyond words that this bright, pleasant path is the path God has chosen for me. When I think about it in that way I realize that the hard work of love is actually really, really easy.

So, Ron, when you read this, know that I am glad. I am glad I didn't have to work that Sunday. I am glad you spent all afternoon at my house. I am glad yet another silly boy was leading Christen S. on at the time. I am glad I had lived enough to be indignant with him for doing so. I am glad you didn't leave for Charlottesville after the Grammys were over. And I am so very glad you chose me as your partner in this Great Attempt. Attempting with you day after day has been the proudest enterprise of my life. Knowing that you will be here with me, until death parts us, attempting with all God gives you is the sure and solid underpinning of all my earthly joys.

Happy five years as us. I love you.

and hear the angels sing!

And ye, beneath life's crushing load

Whose forms are bending low,


Who toil along the climbing way


With painful steps and slow,


Look, now! for glad and golden hours


Come swiftly on the wing


O rest beside the weary load


and hear the angels sing!



IT CAME UPON A MIDNIGHT CLEAR
Edmund H. Sears

Afton's Dictionary

Afton is getting more and more words everyday. When she says things wrong it is way to adorable to correct her so I never do. I want her to keep talking like this forever! I know someday soon she will speak plain English and I will miss trying to decipher Aftonese! So I will never forget her delightful little language here is a small sampling of some of my favorites:

A - coloring, drawing, or writing; crayons
ahh ahh - music
amen - (uh MEN) amen; the church building; the end of a song
baby - anyone Afton's age or younger, baby dolls, stuffed animals
bey - obey (usually said as she is getting caught disobeying)
bite - (bi -eet) all food
blanks - her special blanket
bondt - bonked or got hurt in anyway
call - phone
cat - cats or rabbits
come - take me with you
cup - (cu-pah) all cups and drinks and anything resembling a cup
dog - (dohg) all animals besides ducks, cats, and rabbits
dut - ducks
eres - where is (as in eres daddy? eres Scout?)
eyes - eyes, glasses, sunglasses
go - the stroller
happy day you - happy birthday to you
keese - kiss 0r keys
moosh - spoon
nates - naked
natz - snack
nigh nigh - bedtime; bed; sleeping; i'm tired; all blankets except blanks
pay - pray or play
pooze - pillows
potty!! - anything having to do with potty, always said with lots of enthusiasm
telp - (also pronounced yelp) help
toss - apple sauce
un - I want (as in un bite! un cup!
watie - bath; water; rain; swimming pool
wotz - I want to watch a cartoon
wotnews - cartoons
yehrios - cheerios
yotes - yogurt
yous? - shoes
yous! - juice

"Mates" is a word she has been saying for the past several days and I still haven't figured out what it means. Anyone have a guess?

A Quiver Full

Praise to the Lord!

Praise to the Lord, who o'er all things so wondrously reigneth,
Shelters thee under his wings, yea, so gently sustaineth
Hast thou not seen how thy desires e're have been granted in what he ordaineth.

Praise to the Lord, who doth prosper thy work and defend thee!
Surely his goodness and mercy here daily attend thee;
Ponder anew what the Almighty will do, if with his love he befriend thee.

Praise to the Lord, who with marvelous wisdom hath made thee,
Decked thee with health, and with loving hand guided and stayed thee.
How oft in grief hath not he brought thee relief, spreading his wings to o'ershade thee!

The Whole World in His Hands

Tomorrow my sweet husband leaves the country for a three week long business trip to India and Pakistan. That means that for the next three weeks Afton and I will be without our greatest source of earthly joy. I know other women and babies have had to do without their men for much longer and in much more dangerous situations. My heart truly goes out to them. Knowing that, though, makes me feel his absence no less.

I, also, know and firmly believe that God has the whole world squarely, securely in his hands - India, Pakistan, outer space. No Christian will ever wander outside his all-loving, all-knowing, all-powerful sovereignty. No place is too far, too high, too unstable, or too remote for God to protect his people. This I know and this I believe and this is my sleep granting peace. Still, it is hard for my not worry about Ron's safety and to let my mind wander to worse case scenarios. It is hard to let the dearest thing in the world to me out of my sight and out of my reach for so long.

So this post is just a plea for your prayers, dear friends. Pray for my Ronny. Pray that God will bring him back to me safely. Pray that the days will fly by like seconds. Pray that little Ponder will stay put in my womb until her daddy gets back. Pray that Afton won't miss her daddy too sadly but, that in some sweet way her little heart will grow in even more love for him while he is gone. Pray that Ron and I will be reminded afresh of our love for one another and that the fondness that absence brings us will erase any pettiness that has been born of our familiarity. Pray that I will learn anew to trust God and God alone with the most important things in my life. Pray that He would fill my heart with peace.

Three weeks with my husband in the Eastern Hemisphere. A small concern, even embarrassing to mention, compared with the trials of so many. But it is my present reality. One I dare not face without the gracious aid of my Lord. And so I ask for your prayers. Pray that God will bring him back to me safely. Pray that the days will fly by like seconds. Pray...

Afton is One

First a couple or item of business:
1. I am unabashedly copying this idea from my sister-in-law .
2. Afton turned one almost two months ago. It has taken me a while to get to this.
Dear Afton~
My sweet girl. I cannot believe it has been a year since you caught my eye from across the operating room. I whispered to your Daddy, "Look, there she is!" I know most experts will tell me that newborns can't see very far, certainly not all the way across the room like you were from us that night. All I can say to those experts is that I don't know about most newborns, but I know you were looking right at us. Your facial expression was something I know I will never forget. You had the look of an old man who had just been roused from his bed in the middle of the night. You greeted life with a look on your face that said, "This had better be good!"

I didn't get to hold you right away. You had had a real hard time being born and the pediatricians were making sure you were okay. I could tell by the look you gave us from their station that you were in fact okay. It actually looked like you were just humoring them. You were so expressive right from the start. I knew we were all going to be fast friends and that you would fit in with us perfectly.

And, oh my sweet girl, you certainly have. You have more than fit in. You have embellished and beautified our simple little life in ways we never knew possible. Your father and I adore you. You seemed to take to your life with us right away too. You cried and cried and cried in the car on the way home from the hospital, but as soon as we walked through the door of our building you immediately stopped. It was like you knew you were home. You knew you were where you belonged.

One of the the first things we discovered about you was that you are very adaptable. It doesn't take much to please you. As long as you are with your people and are having your basic needs met you never make a fuss. People are always commenting on how lucky we are to have such and easy-going baby. This personality trait came in very handy for you during the first weeks of your life. Due to several family emergencies you had flown five times by the time you were three months old. All the changes and travel never seemed to bother you. You seemed born to go with the flow.

Another thing that was unique about you was that you had very mature facial expressions. People would say that you looked at them just an adult would. It was really funny. Sometimes your faces were so serious that I felt like you were more mature that I was. It really sometimes seemed like I was caring for a very small adult.

Just because you could make some very serious faces, didn't mean you did not know how to have a good time. Actually, I would say that has been your most defining characteristic so far. Happiness. You are a very happy baby. You are a package of sunshine and smiles. Your zest for life lights up our home everyday. You love almost everything. Your joy is contagious. Your happiness makes us happy. Some of the sweetest moments of my days are coming into you room to get you from your nap and seeing your huge smile when you see me. The smile you give me when I kiss you goodnight is even sweeter. I pray that the gentle happiness that has been your trademark during your first year will be yours for the rest of your life.

You love cell phones. You hold them up to your ear and talk and talk. You love your pink and green blanky that Maw Maw made you. Everytime you come across it throughout your day you put your thumb in your mouth and snuggle it for a few seconds before you continue playing. You love to have a diaper wipe to play with each day. You use it to wipe all your babies' noses and to clean your toys. You love to wipe Mommy and Daddy's noses as well. You love people. Anytime a new person walks up you greet them with "Hi!" in the sweetest voice I have ever heard. You love babies. You call them "Ba". You love to carry your clean diaper for Mommy. You call it "di". You love to push buttons in the elevator and can say "Up" and "Down". You get so happy when Daddy comes home at night. You can hear him in the hall sometimes even before I do. I know that seeing how happy you are to see him makes his whole day worthwhile.

We love you so much Sweet Afton and are so dumbfoundedly grateful to God for lending you to us. I pray that He will give us the grace to love and care for you as He loves and cares for us.

Happy Birthday!

Happy Leap Day!

For some reason I love the idea of Leap Day! It seems so fun and exciting to have an extra day in the year. I know no one treats it that way. Everyone just goes on as if it were just another day. Even so, an extra day is exactly what it is. Last year we had 365 days, this year we have 366, a whole extra day.

I always want to celebrate Leap Day, but am never sure how. The only people I know who do so are people who were lucky (or as some think unlucky) enough to be born on a Leap Day. One fun way I thought of celebrating it would be for me and Afton to walk over to the hospital (the one where she was born is just across the parking lot from our building) and see if there were any babies born today and smile and wave at them through the nursery window. I thought better of it, deciding that may be a little weird. Still, it is fun to look at newborns in the hospital. Everybody knows that!

The best celebration of the day I have had so far was reading up on its history this morning in The Christian Almanac. Ron started reading it to us each morning this fall and I was very excited today that in our first February of reading we got to read the entry for the 29th. As I told Ron this morning, we could have very easily gone four years with out getting to read it! Here is what Grant and Wilbur had to say about Leap Year:


"The leap year system was adopted by Julius Caesar to keep the calendar from getting out of whack and was adjusted in 1582 by Pope Gregory XII. An extra day is added every four years, except for years ending in 00 -- unless the year is divisible by 400. Thus 2000 was a leap year, and so was 1600, but 1700, 1800, and 1900 were not."

I, for one, had no idea there were any rules about years ending in 00. I guess that is because 2000 was the only year with double zeroes during which I was alive. Apart from some pretty rad medical advances and/or the special intervention of God himself, I probably won't get to see a 00 year that is not a leap year. That is okay with me, though. I am glad I was here for one of the few that were leap years.

I have spent the day deciding what I will do with this extra day. I couldn't do anything but the usual today, but I have a fun plan that I am rain checking for myself and my family. Now, I also realize that what I would do with an extra day is probably not exactly what Ron would do, so I am going to encourage him to decide what he wants to do with his extra day this year and take a rain check on it himself. They will have to be different days, of course, because he is a big part of my extra day plans.

I think this is going to become my new way of celebrating Leap Year. Decide what I would do if I had more time and then take a day that year and do it! I am pretty excited about it! I will let you know when I have my day, what I decide to do, and how it goes!

I would love to hear what any of you would do if you were a give an extra day this year. After all, let's face it, you were.

What More Could I Ask For

from Ron Babington to Jenny-Lynn Babington
date Jan 23, 2008 5:22 PM
subject: The Plan
5:22 PM

k, then here's the deal:


1) I come home, kiss and hug

2) We say "hello"

3) I take afton out for errands, or
a) we all three go out for errands

4) Sams/ tires, Wal-Mart formula and long liners, Target butt paste

5) Pick up large pepperoni pizza from pizza hut for Idol and Liar

6) Enjoy the same

If Mama Ain't Happy

I have always kinda hated the saying, "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." It evokes for me the image of a demanding, hard to please woman whose emotions tyrannically rule those around her. The kind of woman I never want to be. The kind of woman I know I could very easily become if I am not careful and apart from the grace of God. Lately, however I have come to understand the profound truth in that statement. I have also come to understand that really need not be an admonition to those around mama, but to mama herself.

This realization came a couple of weeks ago when my husband came home from work and made this remark, "You seem to be in good spirits!" He said it with a small measure of surprise and no small measure of joy on his face. At first I was a little puzzled. Was this such a strange occurrence? Am I not usually in "good spirits?" Before I opened my mouth to ask I thought about the previous few weeks.

To start off I was in my first trimester of pregnancy. I have not proven myself to be a real trooper (i.e. silent sufferer) when it comes to pregnancy. Secondly, this pregnancy seemed to be doing a real bang up job on my emotions, not just my tummy and my energy like last time. Thirdly, I had been pretty sick and then so had my baby. And lastly, my previously very easy going baby had entered a little fussy phase just as I had entered my weakened state. So yeah, while I would like to believe I hadn't been downright grumpy, I could concede that perhaps it had been a while since my husband had come home to find me in actual good spirits.

What was of such great interest to me was how delightfully happy he was to find me in that state. It was very curious to me. I just locked this little observation away in my heart. In the weeks that followed I began to see this was a trend. The happier I was the happier he was - the more we seemed to enjoy each other's company and the more smoothly we sailed through the little things that came our way. The gloomier I became the more sullen he became. Things became harder for both of us. I then started noticing that the same was true with my baby. When I was having a joyful day, she seemed to have a joyful day right along with me. The more tense and overwhelmed and unhappy my behavior was, the less consolable she was. I began to realize the kindest and most loving and outright best thing I can do for my family, for those I love most, and for those who love me most, is to choose joy. Just be happy. Look at the sunny side and be grateful. I couldn't believe such a small thing could have such an impact on our home. But it really did. More than a vacuumed rug, more than a delicious new recipe, more than everything being in place. Just a light-hearted, merry spirit.

That is when I remembered the old saying, "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" And no one can be responsible for mama's happiness, but mama. I have a long ways to go to totally apply this principle to my life, but I am very excited about it. What could be a more pleasant goal than learning to be happy more regularly. I am not going to resort to fake happiness, because as I have been learning, it not only isn't fruitful, it isn't necessary. As a Christian, no matter how bad things get, there is always something to be thankful for, something to really and truly smile about. That is the gift I am going to work to give my family this year. My smile.